Dissapointment

So the Kindergarten school plans fell through. So I have been wracking my brains to come up with something untill My husband gets a job. We owe rent in a few days and I don't have enough money for it. And with winter comming in 3 months I need to get winter blankets, last year I did not buy them because like this year I had no money. Patrick was too busy living in his cozy warm apartment with a prostitute he wanted to marry. She left him. But it took 6 months more before she disapeared for good.
I just want to go home and get out of here. I love being here, it's adventurous, but I am beguining to resent my life pretty much. I have started hating living in general. As a kid you wish you could hurry up and be an adult. As and adult you wish you could go back and fix all your mistakes. And as you reach the dreaded big 30, you wish (in my circumstance) for life to get over with so you wont hurt anymore.
I hope in my next life things are better and more happy, I can't believe that I have lived almost 30 years with one bad thing after another happening to me.
What did I do?
Why punish me so much?
Why punish my kids along with me?
Why does life suck for so many, but be great for a select few?
How do you define a great life?
How do you define success?
And why do they tell you to think positive, when it never works?
And last but not least, Why pray to GOD? After all he turned a blind eye to you when you were good, and did everything right. Going to church, praying, reading the bible everyday.
After I realised I was on my own, I quit reading the bible, took up drinking and smoking got tattoos and peircings and dirty mouthed language.
The only prayer I say now is this one, "GOD bless the germs the spit and the worms."
Because baby, I need it eating at some of these places here. Dirty, roaches and lack of health codes up the wazoo. But China is like this. I will add a picture of the local market just to show you what I contend with in order to get vegetables for the day...Enjoy, everyones lives are different, take a walk in someone elses shoes and lear something new.