So after I moved to the dream center and my laptop was stolen from my room, I lost my kids to the DCFS due to their arrogance deciding I had bi-polar disorder when in fact I don't. And now trying to prove them otherwise, I have gotten my GED and started college at LACC. Taking Chinese classes and Guitar lessons and other classes to help me with getting 2 AA degrees: one in music and the other in language arts. Ultimately leading up to a major in music education to be a music teacher...mostly in a foreign country. I have grown to hate the bureaucracy that governs the rich while shitting in the faces of the poor. I wish I had never left China after how I was treated after coming back to America. My husband is still an asshole who could care less for me, my kids want to come home to me, and I want my kids back so we can leave. True I don't feel like going back to him, but maybe I can establish a life without him successfully.
The lies I had to endure and disprove just to get my life on track makes the physical abuse I suffered in China look like pin pricks on my body. I don't hate or feel vengeful, that's God's job not mine. I have gone through some dating fiascoes and failed one relationship with a friend...one of my rules being that I don't date friends because when it ends wrong you loose a friend. But now I am dating another friend, who incidentally has gone through his own fiascoes in love and is not about to let this relationship fail like the others and he is stable in mind and goals. We have lots in common and we both have a love of music and computers. we are both parents separated by asses and shit we never imagined.
He has a good personality with anger issues due to his past, but so do I.
After loosing the kids I became homeless, going to school and being homeless is not a situation anyone could go through no matter how strong they are, but we seem to be able to do it. He used to be involved in drugs, but he decided to get clean and fix his life. And I am determined to keep him clean; staying side by side except in class, as we both have different but similar classes. I am determined to be a music teacher and Stefan wants to be a website developer with a focus on the graphics art. I am still upset about loosing my laptop with all the pictures of the kids growing up now lost forever, but I will get a new one-one day.
Last week another homeless woman who has dogged me for 3 months over her lost cat had once again faced me with accusation's of stealing her cat even though I live out of a backpack and go to school everyday. She kicked in my tent while I was asleep and woke me up, I ran out of the tent and over to her punching her in the eye and giving her a shiner. She now leaves me alone and has not said anything in two weeks about the cat that got killed by a skunk but her drug induced dementia has produced a psychosis and makes her whack.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
A new chapter in my life
Friday, July 2, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Friday, May 29, 2009
MY baby girl in Taiwan
She is in a park. (one year old)
Bath time. (younger than a year)
Her first birthday.
Bathtime. (6 months old)
Siobhan now! (almost two years old)
This song is written by someone else it is not mine, but I think of my daughter Siobhan everytime my oldest daughter sings it.
NOTE<<<( I guess guitar chords are written before the lyrics)>>>NOTE
Lao Shu Ai Da Mi================ F Cwo ting jian ni de sheng yinF Bbyou zhong te bie de gan jueF Dm Gm Crang wo bu duan xiang bu gan zai wang ji niF Cwo ji de you yi ge ren Dm Am yong yuan liu zai wo xin zhong Bb C Fna pa zhi neng gou zhe yang de xiang ni Am Dmru guo zhen de you yi tian Bb C Fai qing li xiang hui shi xian Am Dm Gm Bb C wo hui jia bei nu li hao hao dui ni yong yuan bu gai bian Am Dm bu guan lu you duo me yuan Bb C F yi ding hui rang ta shi xian Am Dm Gm Cwo hui qin qin zai ni er bian dui ni shuo dui ni shuo Reff: F Dm F Am wo ai ni ai zhe ni jiu xiang lao shu ai da mi Bb Ambu guan you duo shao feng yu Gm C wo dou hui yi ran pei zhe ni F Dm F Am wo xiang ni xiang zhe ni bu guan you duo me de ku Bb Amzhi yao neng rang ni kai xin Gm C Fwo shen me dou yuan yi zhe yang ai ni (repeat all ..w/ 1/2 tone up.... then repeat w/ reff 1/2 tone up again! >.<)
An Update for MAY
So I know it has been a while since my last update, but I have been very busy.
First I have been studying for my GED test. For those who do not know what this is, it’s like passing Senior high school (right before college).
I have been focusing on my mathematics the most as that was always a weak class subject for me. But I have a great tutor. I just have to work on algebra, and some of that higher stuff like calculus.
But it seems I have Social studies and Science down packed, considering it has been 15 years since I last opened a book on them. On the short practice test I got 100% on social studies (24 questions) and 98% on Science. (I only missed 2 out of 24 questions) But that’s because I never took chemistry.
My reading is just as good, but unfortunately, my writing lacks a lot. Mostly, I have problems with the various formats that can be used with writing essays. As far as reading, I am an avid reader, and I read a lot, mostly online because it takes less space to keep an online library or E-book than it is to have a full fledged library. Not everyone has space for it in their homes.
So advanced mathematics and science would be my goals to improve upon and also my writing abilities.
Of course I don’t see anything wrong with the way I write, do you? Just let me know I have to fix something ok?
Second I also went to the social security office and applied for my social security card, I should get it in two weeks. And I also asked about getting a social security card for my baby Siobhan who is still in Taiwan. I was told all I need is her Birth abroad report and her immunization records and then fill an application for her. Then I can get WIC and food stamps and cash aid for her.
My soon to be EX husband, told me his girlfriend hates my daughter because my daughter is more beautiful than hers. (Our daughters have the unfortunate fate of sharing the same father; the soon to be EX husband, that she took from me. Good luck to her and good riddance to him. )
So he plans to send her to me in July; not that I believe he would keep his promise to me, because he never has in the past. But that is good news to me. It means I won’t have to fight for an international custody issue in court.
I once was so depressed I had made a slip when I was talking to the kids; I said “I am so sorry I gave you the wrong father, because he certainly did not deserve me, much less you kids.”
I realize now that while it was true he did not deserve them or me, God put us together for a reason, but now that reason has been complete and the better parent prevail.
Let’s take a look at what I mean:
Fathers abilities Mothers abilities
1. No job, but not looking 1. No job, but looking
2. Lives off of other people 2.Tries to make ends meet by recycling
3. Drinks, does drugs 3. Do not drink or do drugs
4. Sleeps with many women a night 4. Has not gotten laid since 2006
5. Yells at kids 5. Rarely yells
6. Hit kids and me 6. Never hit kids or others
7. Bought kids things for their love 7. Bought kids things out of love
8. Gave them too much candy 8. Gives candy out once a week
9. Took them to the doctor when he had time 9. Takes them to the doctor no matter what
10. Asks for money to get medicine 10. Ok I have Medi-CAL for my kids
11. Only visited his kids once a month- 11. Lives with them everyday
Even if he lived next door to them
12. Lies, steals, and cheats 12. Honest, helps others, and caring
I may be on government assistance until I get a job, but my husband is a parasite living off of other people and never looking for a job. Even when I was with him he lived off my money, but never lived with us; he was always living with other women and never took care of us. So I was basically an independent woman even before I left him. I just don’t have the abuse and humiliation anymore.
I had always thought we would be the kind of couple that grew old together, but his culture and his upbringing made him feel entitled to being with other women as he saw fit. I was used to give him kids and the other women were used for other things. And the humiliation from his verbal abuse in public and his cheating hurt me so much I thought about suicide.
But a special band came into my life and the lyrics of their songs wrote my whole life and the music from their songs showed my true feelings about what was going on. And it gave me a voice to speak out for myself and say “Hey! I am not going to live this way, I don’t deserve it, and I am not going to take it anymore. It stops now!” I owe much to AFI, they gave me so much and I wish one day to return the favor.
And now with my life going slowly into the healing process I will one day forget about the pain, I am getting back on my feet and moving forward, and AFI’s music will be there every step of the way.
I have also been going to church at the Angelus temple in Los Angeles and getting into a Christian rock band called Press Play, they are really good. I like their music. I also live with them at the dream center, I get to talk to them almost every day and my kids talk to them after service has finished. Sandra wants to play piano just as much as she did in China and now Jr wants to learn guitar. I did get him one for his birthday, but I think I am not qualified to teach him how to play, he might need lessons.
So I am going to get him a book and try to teach myself as much as possible first, then I can teach him what I learned.
So I have a very busy schedule and along with a lack of internet connection, my updates will be slow to get along to you.
God bless you!
How Love feels
Well after thinking heavily on Valentines Day and the past years events on Love and the whole Proposition 8 thing I came to this conclusion…….again…..That we all need to love and let love.
I mean, what would the point of Valentines Day be if it were not so?
Did you notice (and also from reports I have read) that the whole prop 8 thing was pushed by Mormons? Yes my dears Mormons have a long history of Polygamy, or being married to more than one wife. Unfortunately the women are only allowed one husband. How sexist is that?
So after reading the bible to gain some spiritual advice on my own failed marriage and trying to find out why my husband behaves like a Mormon and broke his wedding vows to me and making my heart break into tiny little shards of cold deathly hate for the Holiday of love.
I learned that GOD hates Adultery (When a married man or woman sleeps with another man or woman who they are not married to) I started to think….
Why is everyone against same sex marriage when heterosexual couples can not even remember who they are married to in the first place?
What was the point for you to get married if you can not stay true to that one person? Doesn’t it kind of cheapen the “I love you” words you are supposed to mean with all your heart?
If you cheat either behind your spouses back or with their blessing it is still adultery.
And therefore in my opinion are wasting a marriage on Polygamy instead of Monogamy.
Spreading diseases that you can not detect or know of until you had slept with two or three people, wondering which one gave you herpes or syphilis when you could have had it since you were a teenager and never knew of it.
Now think of the guilt of spreading these diseases without knowing it, but simultaneously blaming your partner.
How do you define love?
Come on guys….someone…If anyone has read this then please give me your thoughts.
Are you faithful or do you cheat? Does He/she know, or is it a secret?
Do you know if your Love cheats on you and if so how do you feel about it?
And as a bonus…..Let’s talk about Celebrities who are natural Polygamists.
Like c.o.u.g.h c.o.u.g.h. Paris Hilton c.o.u.g.h c.o.u.g.h and others.
So instead of going after Same sex couples, Heterosexual couples need to get their adulterous lives cleaned up and learn what being committed and faithful means and practice love because love is safe sex. Because you can not go after a same sex couple thinking they are doing something wrong according to the bible when you have committed adultery.
Heresy is like a lie and it shows cowardice by pointing the blame to take away the shame.
Did you know that for every gay/ lesbian person coming out of the closet, there are 10 heterosexuals who commit adultery every day? I’d rather be lesbian, but I will settle for Bi, I get the best of both sexes during sex. <3
And [please give some feedback here it is like a graveyard]
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Living in LA part 3
So on Christmas Eve I stopped smoking and went on the patch.
I had gone 3 days without a cigarette and I forgot to put on a patch and got cranky and had an argument with the lady at the shelter so I took the kids and left and went up to the Alexandria house shelter on Alexandria ave. We stayed in a hotel with some vouchers until January 2nd and then went back down to Watts where we were staying in a shelter and she moved us down the street into a garage, only to find out there is no electricity or heat and the garage is not insulated from the cold.
We sleep on a twin sized mattress, an adult and 4 kids sleeping on a twin sized mattress is not fun.
I found out that my cash aid was terminated because someone in Yuba County is receiving benefits in my name and using my social security number. So I had to get that fixed and after I spoke to Mr. Tovar he got me set up again and I paid for my January stay at the shelter and got the kids immunizations updated and they started school on January 12th.
I attended a meeting at the school for the dual language program and pissed off all the Hispanics there because my kids speak Chinese and they want a program for their kids and I spoke out and said that even if my kids speak Chinese they will never progress because they do not have a dual language program for them, and when they go home it is English they speak because it was their father who spoke Chinese to them. The Hispanic kids can go home and speak Spanish to their parents, but who speaks Chinese to my kids? So I started to take my kids to Chinese restaurants to speak Chinese to the workers there and have become friends with them, the one guy who owns a restraint has given my medicine for the kids and I and has also given my kids food and cookies to eat.
Pretty much since then every thing has calmed down and we have not really done anything other than to go to church and eat and sleep. But the last few weeks of rain has left all of us with the flu, fever and headaches. And Now that the rain has stopped I have to go to see my worker at the DPSS office to get a receipt of my cash aid assistance for the WIC office and to ask him to help me get back into high school so I can get my diploma and then I can get a job.
The biggest thing is waiting. At least I got a cell phone. I know I have to pay 25 cents a minute but it is better than paying 50 cents for a payphone.
I may end up filing taxes, but at the same time I am afraid that if I do that my earnings may be with held because of the repatriation loan. Or I may get a call or letter telling me to pay it back now. The biggest problem with this is because we did not live here for one year and I have not worked in America since 2002 how would this play into the tax refund?
Being a single mother of 4 kids is hard and I have always had my husband do this and I never had to worry this much before. It is easier to just stay in an abusive relationship instead of having this headache everyday. But I am also proving to him that he was wrong. I can live without him and I can do things on my own. He used to laugh at me and say that I had never lived as an adult alone and that I would crack from the pressure, that I would never be able to do anything without him. But guess what? You can shove it. I am doing it without you and I have no help, and for this I am a hard worker. I walk everywhere I need to go and I find places without any help, and I get there on my own. And I am taking care of 4 kids on my own and they are happy.
So for those women who are in an abusive relationship, you owe it to yourself and your kids to get out of there. Because a man who treats you like this is only doing it out of insecurity and selfishness. And once you get away from him and start living on your own you will se that he was wrong and you can do it. Yes it is very hard to do, but if I can do it then so can you. If you catch any slack from other women who say they did all this with out government help or help from their families they are lying to you. You can not get an apartment without money and you can not get a job without a place to live. So you get out of that toxic relationship and you get on welfare and find a place to live and once you get a job you can get off the welfare. It is a stepping stone on a pond in the middle of the river, but if you get caught in the undertow everything falls apart. I say to you ladies that you do not need a man because sex is only a short term pleasure, but a long term pleasure is, knowing your kids will grow up not being the next generation of abusers. And that saves the future from breading the hate and abuse that the men who hurt you were doing. We are equals, and it is time men realized we were not a pair of tits and a piece of ass for them to have fun with. We should be respected because we can tolerate higher amounts of pain than they can and we can work and still do our jobs at home, but they always complain about how tired they are after work to justify sleeping with other women and using us as slaves. Marriage is just a legal slavery and when women realize we do not need a man to treat us like this and that we are worth more than a play toy, men will respect us and treat us right. You man would never talk to his mother like he talks to you, right? Your man would never hit his mother like he hits you, right?
So it is time to put men where they belong in their proper place, just like their mother’s had them. We can do it without them just be strong and hold your head up and walk out the door with the kids and go somewhere safe.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Love is a lie
Well after thinking heavily on Valentines Day and the past years events on Love and the whole Proposition 8 thing I came to this conclusion…….again…..That we all need to love and let love.
I mean, what would the point of Valentines Day be if it were not so?
Did you notice (and also from reports I have read) that the whole prop 8 thing was pushed by Mormons? Yes my dears Mormons have a long history of Polygamy, or being married to more than one wife. Unfortunately the women are only allowed one husband. How sexist is that?
So after reading the bible to gain some spiritual advice on my own failed marriage and trying to find out why my husband behaves like a Mormon and broke his wedding vows to me and making my heart break into tiny little shards of cold deathly hate for the Holiday of love.
I learned that GOD hates Adultery (When a married man or woman sleeps with another man or woman who they are not married to) I started to think….
Why is everyone against same sex marriage when heterosexual couples can not even remember who they are married to in the first place?
What was the point for you to get married if you can not stay true to that one person? Doesn’t it kind of cheapen the “I love you” words you are supposed to mean with all your heart?
If you cheat either behind your spouses back or with their blessing it is still adultery.
And therefore in my opinion are wasting a marriage on Polygamy instead of Monogamy.
Spreading diseases that you can not detect or know of until you had slept with two or three people, wondering which one gave you herpes or syphilis when you could have had it since you were a teenager and never knew of it.
Now think of the guilt of spreading these diseases without knowing it, but simultaneously blaming your partner.
How do you define love?
Come on guys….someone…If anyone has read this then please give me your thoughts.
Are you faithful or do you cheat? Does He/she know, or is it a secret?
Do you know if your Love cheats on you and if so how do you feel about it?
And as a bonus…..Let’s talk about Celebrities who are natural Polygamists.
Like c.o.u.g.h c.o.u.g.h. Paris Hilton c.o.u.g.h c.o.u.g.h and others.
So instead of going after Same sex couples, Heterosexual couples need to get their adulterous lives cleaned up and learn what being committed and faithful means and practice love because love is safe sex. Because you can not go after a same sex couple thinking they are doing something wrong according to the bible when you have committed adultery.
Heresy is like a lie and it shows cowardice by pointing the blame to take away the shame.
Did you know that for every gay/ lesbian person coming out of the closet, there are 10 heterosexuals who commit adultery every day? I’d rather be lesbian, but I will settle for Bi, I get the best of both sexes during sex. <3
And [please give some feedback here it is like a graveyard]
Friday, December 26, 2008
Merry Christmas to all. I hope the season was not to cold and that all had a great time opening presents.
My kids got 3 each, and some donated clothes. I got nothing...But not complaining, Just watching my kids faces as they realized they won the lottery. After 6 years in China they never knew that you can get toys and stuff on Christmas day.
So now my kids have finally succumbed to the American "me first" mentality and have now started to ask "what about me? I want "more"....Heartless it seems when that is all anyone thinks of when it comes to Christmas. It is becoming a crime just to say the words I grew up with "Merry Christmas" people loose their jobs from saying it, being sued just for saying it. All because it is christian......
So now "happy holidays" has replaced the "merry Christmas". And instead of watching "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens. we are stuck with holiday episodes of "Sex in the city" "Will and Grace" And sports. And shit all on MTV for those lucky enough to afford cable, never mind the Satellite programing.
So now that Christmas has come to symbolise the very thing I dread would happen to it like with Valentines day and the 4Th of July and Thanksgiving day.
A secular world of money. A day to reflect on all the kids you beat just to take the toy home for your kids. The commercialization of Christmas. Another day to part with your money so the greedy corporations can take your money from you. And that's why they make all those toy advertisements during the holidays rather than any other day of the year. Because you know the prices will be jacked up. And kids won't remember the one toy they said they wanted last February, because it has been almost a whole year since. And they have to have what so and so has and it's advertised on TV.
So we need to boycott this and stop it. After all the very toy you are buying only cost a few dollars to make in China, but you will pay tens of dollars even a hundred to get it. Who wins this Christmas? not you! You are broke, the toy company that paid a 10 year old child in China to make this toy for a one dollar a day wage in China who does not even know what Christmas is or even have clothes or a blanket to keep warm while making your Kidd's toys this year. But don't worry about them right? It's all about you and your kid getting the best and to heck with everyone else. You are all a bunch of selfish, unintelligible, ingrates.
And that is why I hate the Saleability of Christmas. And you can not put GOD into the equation if it is all about money and toys.
So while you eat a full satisfiying meal, have your 2 kids open up all 20 presents you bought them and sleep warm in a bed. I wish you have nightmares of the starving children chained inside a factory, hungry and making the toys your kids will get this year and know that while a toy cost you $30 or more that it only cost the toy company $100 to buy 1,000 of that same toy and you are bilked into paying $30. Just like the other 999 people who paid $30 for the same toy so the company makes a profit of $30,000 all on your dime.
So now it is time to get ready for the next holiday, New Years day, A day to get drunk and try to forget about those nightmares so you can live in the dream world of selfishness again without guilt. Then comes Valentines day, a day to pay $100 on a dozen roses that only cost $14.99 any other day of the year.
But it's alright, we all like fantasies right? That;s why your husband is out sleeping around with other women, because him loving you is your fantasy, loving someone else is his. And the fantasy for your kids is this: Everything is alright at home we have lots of money and mom and dad are happy.
So keep the dream alive, we have a nother generation of mindless sheep to bring into this world.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
A funny coversation between me and my sister.
plumblossom_inc: Poor jr, he is so sick he even passed up pizza
MySister: now thats just wrong
plumblossom_inc: he just gave my 17 cents from his pocket and told me to go get him more
medicine
MySister: thats cute
plumblossom_inc: He loves pizza too, it is shocking. I think the world is going to end
MySister: most definately
plumblossom_inc: I just gave him medicine and guess what he said?
plumblossom_inc: He said "mom, I'm hungry!"
plumblossom_inc: I told him we just finished off the pizza so he lay down crying
plumblossom_inc: HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
MySister: thats mean
plumblossom_inc: hahahahahHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAH!!!!!
MySister: oh so mean
plumblossom_inc: I am still laughing myself to tears
MySister: man your cruel
plumblossom_inc: Well I did ask him a few minutes before if he wanted pizza and he said no
he was not hungry, then 5 minutes later he says he is hungry? what was I supposede to do?
MySister: i know
plumblossom_inc: But looking on his face as he lay down and I don't know wither he is crying
from not getting pizza or crying from the pain and misery of being sick
MySister: i have no idea
plumblossom_inc: Yes I am sadistic and mean and cruel, that's why I make a better parent
than their father, is is just a sadomasicist. But I enjoy morbid oral abuse, he enjoyed the
physical kind. I enjoy a great hearty laugh, he enjoyed yelling and harrassing (belittleing
the poor babes)
MySister: yeah and thats not right
plumblossom_inc: only in your mind. Everyone needs to be morbid, or else the smile machine
could never make you smile. We must have something to laugh about, or the smile machine will
never work.
MySister: hey, wheres my pizza?
MySister: that was from dad
plumblossom_inc: So in all fairness to laugh at oneself is like laughing at another I ate
the mother F" pizza already! Sheez did you not scroll up and read about my nefarious
laughter at Jr not getting any?
MySister: he said it was good
plumblossom_inc: What was good?
MySister: the pizza
MySister:
plumblossom_inc: The story? the laughter? or the e pizza?
plumblossom_inc: Did you smell it? dad.....it smelled like shit....that was some good shit
there man, too bad you only got an e pizza
MySister: he is laughing
plumblossom_inc: hahaha
MySister: his sinuses are clogged up so he didnt smell it
plumblossom_inc: Why are you sick?
MySister: i was jk
plumblossom_inc: You have to realise I am just like my dad!
MySister: i didnt know what elso to do and that look funny
plumblossom_inc: Watching someone barf is not funny, watching someone barf in public and be
stared at is funny
MySister: yeah it is
plumblossom_inc: I am glad we agree on something sis.
plumblossom_inc: Of course we are all
MySister: i knew that
plumblossom_inc: Oh Yeah? how did you know? I was the one who told yoou.......
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